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AbundantLifesong
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Name: Katrina
Gender: Female
Interests: My consuming desire is to learn how to love the Lord with all my heart - which is not only the most important commandment, it's probably the hardest. I am continually learning Who He is and who I am in Him. When I happen upon some free time, you might find me identifying plants, playing tennis, bowling, mini-golfing, playing Euchre and Hearts, putting puzzles together, garage saling, taking walks, laughing, talking, or eating. I love playing the piano, singing, analyzing music, writing counterpoint, and other random musical things. If I could get a job writing Bach-style fugues for a living, I think I might look into that. I couldn't live without the relationships I have with other people - Charley, my family, my friends, my church - you guys keep me going!
Expertise: Music theory, piano, sight-reading, accompanying, plants (sort of), screen repair, inside jokes, BIC Bible quizzing, Xanga addiction.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Music Theory Pedagogy
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/13/2005
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| Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can. And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away. It just takes some time; little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine. Everything will be all right. Hey, you know they're all the same. You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in. Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself. | | |
| I'm tired, and sick. And there are roughly 17 hours before spring break dissolves into the last 54 days of my master's. But inside me is a fierce determination. I'm going to make it with a bang. Not just by getting good grades (although I intend to do so).. but by learning. By becoming a better theorist and a better teacher. Not by keeping it in good with people (although I intend to do this as well, as much as it is right).. but by staying true to myself. In the end, I'm responsible for making myself happy. If I try to make others happy without taking care of myself first, I'll be doing it with selfish motives.... I'll be trying to fulfill myself through fulfilling others. And yes, there is a certain amount of that that is good. But when I am not true to me, I subconsciously try to fill my voids at the same time that I'm "helping" other people. If I am satisfied in who I am, I can then feel comfortable putting myself aside enough to truly care about others. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me. So I'm learning to know what I want, and weigh the importance of what I want. And to take care of myself so that I can in turn be there for others.
The second half of my last semester is here. This is the beginning of the end. But it's more so the beginning of the beginning. I will wake up tomorrow with determination, even if my throat is on fire and my voice is gone and I can barely stand the thought of 7 hours at school. I will take my life by the horns - acting, instead of reacting. God controls my destiny, but He's not going to do amazing things in my life if I just sit back and watch. He wants me to be involved. I will show Him that I am really willing to do whatever it is He is calling me to do. I will not shrink back from every fight. I will not make decisions based on fear, guilt, or mistrust. I will not let other people call the shots for me. I will let God call my shots.
This determination has always been in me. I guess I never realized that I don't let it out very often. From now on, it plays an active - not passive - roll in my life's adventure. | | |
| I decided it was time for another entry. I'm sort of procrastinating because I don't feel like leaving the couch. But on the other hand, this is going to be short because I really do need to get some homework done before class. Life has been full of its ups and downs lately, but if I could describe my present outlook in one word, it would be hopeful. Things have been happening that give me hope. Sometimes they regard the past.. sometimes the future.. sometimes the present. I'm being molded in many ways, and it's a painful and amazingly humbling process. That doesn't even describe it well. But I'm so excited to see the beauty that is to come in my life. There is part of me that wants to feel down today - the weather is gross, I don't feel well, I have a lot to do, I have to spend the day alone, I'm not motivated. But God is filling me with hope. In the course of this past week, 3 unrelated things happened that gave me hope in totally separate areas - past, present, and future. And the constant reminder of them and their implications gives me strength to push ahead. | | |
| So, remember how Charley took me out once this summer to teach me to drive stick? Well, I got the idea of it down but still felt like I needed way more practice before going out on the road. But on the way back from Thanksgiving he was getting soooo sleepy, like 30 minutes into the trip. I told him I'd try to drive but I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt. He said he thought I could do it, so we pulled over into a plaza and he let me take a few laps around the parking lot before going back on the highway. I guess the best way to learn something sometimes is just to be thrown into it with no choice. I was freaking out a little bit on the inside, but I knew deep down I was totally capable if I just concentrated. So I ignored my fears and focused on what I needed to do. Mind you, it's easy to drive on the highway, because you don't have to shift at all once you get above 50 or so. It was just getting on and off the highway, through the toll booth, etc. Once we got back here, I only had to drive on a few city streets to get back to my place, so I just went ahead and gave it a shot, and no one got killed. The only time I had problems was when I was parking at my apartment. I stalled like 4 different times trying to inch forward. Hahahahaha.
Last night Charley let me drive around some more city streets after the Christmas concert at church. That was harder - a lot more shifting and different traffic patterns. I stalled a lot. The car jerked a lot. But I'm getting the hang of it. It's actually really fun. I think once I get it down I might like it better than an automatic. We'll see. | | |
| I had big plans to sleep 10 hours last night, but apparently my body doesn't feel right sleeping past 8:30. Haha. Oh well, that will change in a day or so. I had a dream last night with a whole lot of my students - Jon, Michael, Alena, Tyler, Josh... it was weird. It was like the last day of class I guess. There was another part where Sam and I were visiting an old friend. We were walking around a supermarket or something. (I have had a few dreams set in supermarkets lately. Who knows.) This other girl that we used to know, that was her best friend, was there, too. Then Sam, the old friend, and I were sitting at her kitchen table talking, and she made a comment about being engaged. I was shocked because I could have sworn they had only been dating a month or two, but I got really excited about it anyway and congratulated her. There was another part where I was with Charley, Krista, and a few other people. I said something small and harmless about Charley that was meant as a joke, and everyone thought it was lighthearted and funny, but he got really hurt by it. But we couldn't talk about it because there were other people around. I looked over at Krista to see if she thought I had messed up, and she just shook her head in shame because of how disrespectful I had just been. Hahaha random. In case Sam reads this, I just want to point out that I'm listening to Christmas radio online, and Elvis is serenading me with "Blue Christmas." (oooOOEEEoooo) Well, the semester is over!!!!! A little less than 5 months to graduation; a little more than 5 months to marriage!!!! I'm having a happy time right now. This was the best semester I've ever had. I loved all of my classes. I loved my students. I was comfortable with the school, the professors, teaching, the library, etc. Just the way things worked. It's like I finally found my niche. My friendships shifted a little, which actually worked out for the better. We got a few more theorists this year, and they're great. I especially bonded with Jen and Mark. It's nice to have people that are in the same discipline to talk to. This semester was also good because I had more control over my own thoughts and attitudes. I just didn't let myself get stressed. I worked at a fairly steady pace instead of always waiting for the last minute. I said no to a lot of things and people (even students, which is something I learned to do after last year), usually giving myself some time on a daily basis to chill out and have fun. I made a point of taking one full day, usually Saturday, to have no responsibilities - so refreshing, I reccommend it to everyone. It's amazing how much of a difference it made in well, everything, and I still never ran out of time to do what I needed. I had a little success in not letting people walk on me, guilt trip me, etc. And that's always improving, although slowly. I'm developing a better sense of myself. Not in a selfish way at all. But just knowing what I want, feeling secure regardless of what anyone thinks of me (I'm still terrible at that though), basically respecting myself so that others will be able to respect me. It's good. Charley is moving into his new apartment (will be our apartment!) this weekend. It's a lot nicer than his old one, and I really like it. I'm excited to move in myself, although I have to wait for a while. (The time will go so fast, I know...) We've been so blessed. We really needed some furniture (couches, mostly), and over Thanksgiving our friends mentioned that they were going to get new couches. We told them we were looking for some, and they told us we could have their current couch and the love seat for free! They still have a lot of life left in them, and they're really comfortable. So Charley is bringing them and a few other big items from home for us to have - and only for the price of the U-haul. What a blessing. God continues to take care of us. Every day He confirms that Charley is the man for me to marry. I can't explain how it happened. It sort of took me by surprise. But there's just something so different about him - something I never want to live without. I could go on and on all day. I love him!!!  I've never been this happy. | | |
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